Chilkat Valley News - Serving Haines and Klukwan, Alaska since 1966

In my last letter, I spilled the beans about the toehold we artists enjoy in the new historical Renaissance (200-300 year duration is my guess, solar system wide.) Since I’ve already been contributing to this Renaissance for a decade in Mud Bay, I can offer a pointer to any artists with hatchets to bury. (By the way, did you notice when I came to town in the summer of 2019, with a parrot on my shoulder, and warned everyone that society was about to collapse because it was so corrupt? I couldn’t tell if you were paying attention.)

Pointer: the way to get Martian colonists or neuralinked dolphin xenobotanists laughing is to tell them how funny it was watching people “educated” by corporations pretending they’ve read any books. No joke—that’s a real fin-slapper on Europa in the 24th century.

In this spirit, enjoy the results of a decade-long literacy check I performed on our community—awarding the most literate first and the least literate last:

1.  Klukwan, because they are fluent in oral literature. (The rest of us will never catch up.)

2.  Evangelical Christians, because they relentlessly study literature their entire lives. (How many NPR listeners went pikachu face? Be honest!)

3.  People who fish for a living.

4.  Alaskans—living here cultivates literacy.

5.  Midwestern tourists.

6.  People with corporate educations.

7.  Same, but who also consume corporate media.

8.  Bureaucrats with degrees in “how to click.”

Sonar targeting directly from the future! Thar she blows! Happy harpooning, artists!

Chris Palmisano